10 features of the Swadeshi Samriddhi Sim Cards by Patanjali Ayurved that are too good to be true!

Saturday, 15 December 2018

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10 features of the Swadeshi Samriddhi Sim Cards by Patanjali Ayurved that are too good to be true!

Sidharth Bedi Varma | June 01, 2018 21:32 hrs


Yoga Guru Ramdev's Patanjali Ayurved has recently unveiled a new 'Swadeshi Samriddhi SIM', in partnership with state-run BSNL or Bharat Sanchar Nigam Limited. Since its launch, there has been a lot of discussion as to what the SIM offers from its competitor giants such as Jio, Airtel, Vodafone among others. While the SIM card is currently available to Patanjali staff only, the company has announced that the SIM card will be available to the general public soon.

 

 

As the public awaits the Swadeshi Samriddhi SIM, here are the top features of the Swadeshi Samriddhi SIM to look forward to:

 

1. You cannot surf porn sites with the SIM. The specialized Nano-technology in the SIM automatically diverts you to http://www.indian-heritage.org/gods/gods.htm or www.mandirkaghanta.com

 

2. All Anti BJP content on the specialized Swadeshi Samriddhi Web is blocked. You are not allowed to browse, search and save Anti BJP content. What is Anti-BJP is Anti-National and what is Anti National is Pakistani.

 

3. You cannot apply for a Swadeshi Samriddhi SIM card without a Sanskaari certificate. These are government approved certificates that are linked to your Aadhaar cards too.

 

4. The Swadeshi Samriddhi Sim cards do not have 2G, 3G, 4G or 5G. It is equipped with the all new Modi-G.

 

5. After GPRS and EDGE, Patanjali has patented the NaMo technology which allows unlimited international calls, owing to the man’s amazing international presence.

 

6. Being in possession of the Swadeshi Samriddhi Sim card makes your account auto post Pro-Modi memes to Facebook.

 

 

7. Uber and OLA cabs booked using the Samriddhi network will only take you to temples, RSS camps, and danga zones. You can’t be club hopping with this stuff.

 

8. Once the SIM is activated, the patented “Mann Ki Baat” technology only lets the call thorough once the receiver says, “Jai Hindu Rashtra” instead of “Hello”.

 

9. There are no call drops on the Swadeshi Samriddhi network because nothing drops with this Government, neither fuel prices, nor the beat.

 

10. The SIM automatically posts and propagates all fake news and ensures that India ‘Jana Gana Mana’ is awarded as the “Best National Anthem in the World” by UNESCO

 

Ab aayenge acche din…

 

(The above is a parody and a comic content and in no way wishes to hurt the sentiments of any party or its followers. The author thinks that this declaration will save him from a lot of trouble in the future)

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